Babysister
by soda-me
Summary: An attempt at a parody from soda me! Basically, I'm writing about Sister MarySues. Don't take it seriously. It's all in good fun! Newly updated!
1. Perfect

The Sister Sue 

Sodapop Curtis groaned as he was awakened by his younger sister's singing in the shower. It was loud, but as his ears adjusted, he began to really enjoy her song. After all, she hadn't won the Little Miss Tulsa pageant when she was six for nothing!

Babysister Sue Curtis, named so because she was the boys' baby sister (and let's not forget their father's originality, which so shone through in the choosing of this name) was really a great baby sister, Sodapop thought as he waited patiently for the shower. After all, not only was she there to cook and clean since their mom died, but she could help them out in a rumble too! Only, the strange thing was, half the time he couldn't stand her and she drove him crazy, and half the time he was practically in love with his sister! It was like he had two personalities or something. Like some character in a story, where authors kept insisting on changing his personality.

Baby even looked like the perfect Curtis sister. With her gentle blue-green eyes that could turn to ice in a second, brown hair spun gold in the summer, and slight but tough build (for her age), she was the perfect mix of her three brothers.

Soda had been a bit irked to read Baby's description of her eyes in an English assignment—"lively, dancing, recklessly laughing eyes that can be gentle and sympathetic one moment and blazing with anger the next"—but only for a minute. Then he forgot all about her stealing his eyes when Baby offered him some of her famous chocolate-chip cookies.

This morning—split personality and all—was no different. "Good morning, Soda!" Baby sang sweetly, coming out of the bathroom. "How was your sleep?"

Soda wanted to snap, "Great until your howling interrupted it!" but knew that Darry and probably Ponyboy too might threaten him with bodily harm for being so rude to his younger sister. So instead he said with a forced cheery grin, "Great! Is the shower free?"

"Of course. I got up early so I wouldn't make you late for work. Because I know that my blonde hair takes a long time to get perfectly clean. Oh, and remind me to pick up some more shampoo—we're all out," Baby said cheerfully, wrapping her hair in a towel and going into her room. Since their parents had died, of course Darry had insisted upon her taking the master bedroom for her own. She selflessly offered it back to him first before moving in that day.

Now Soda was stuck with naturally greasy hair since Baby had used up all the shampoo, and no towel since she'd taken all of those, too. But again, yelling at her would only get him grounded for a month. So he kept his mouth shut most of the time. And really, it wasn't so bad.

In the kitchen after his shower, Baby had prepared a breakfast buffet of bacon and eggs, hard-boiled eggs, soft-boiled eggs, deviled eggs, eggs benedict, eggs on a bacon and tomato sandwich, eggs with grape jelly, egg salad sandwiches, scrambled eggs, and omelets.

"Wow, Baby! You cooked all of this in the time it took me to take a shower?" Soda asked, amazed. Baby shrugged modestly.

"I'm fast," she explained brightly. "I have too much energy, so I burn it on cooking. By the way, have you seen Steve yet this morning?"

"It's only seven in the morning!"

"I know, but I thought he was sleeping over last night. After all, he didn't get home till late," she said slyly, shooting him a wink. Soda shuddered. He didn't even want to get into what _she _was talking about. This whole relationship between Steve and his sister was disturbing enough as it was. Since Baby turned fourteen, Steve had suddenly fallen in love with her, dumped Evie and demanded Darry's permission to date her. Since it made Baby happy, Darry willingly agreed. And ever since, they'd been the most disgustingly happy couple on the East side.

Baby served him up a plate of egg products and seated him at the table. "Now eat your breakfast, Sodapop. And would you like some eggnog with that?"

"Uh…no thanks, Babysister. How about some chocolate milk?" Soda asked hopefully.

"Sorry, Soda," Baby replied merrily, with a shake of her hair, somehow completely dry and fluffier than ever. "I've decided to make us all eat more healthy foods, and Darry agrees. No more chocolate products in _this _house!"

Darry entered the kitchen now and gave his sister a huge hug and kiss on the forehead. "Good morning, Baby!" he exclaimed. "Were you cooking again? You know you're not supposed to use the stove this early! You could fall asleep and burn yourself! And you just took a shower! You could get water in the stove and electrocute yourself to death! Baby, just be more careful."

"I'm sorry, Darry," Baby said, hanging her head. _Finally _he would discipline her—albeit for a stupid reason. But Soda's triumph was short-lived.

"It's all right, Baby," Darry's voice was soft and gentle once again. "I just—" he was getting choked up now, "I just don't want to lose you, like we did Mom and Dad!"

Ponyboy shuffled out into the kitchen, and he too got teared up at the emotional scene taking place around the kitchen table. Baby gestured for him and Soda to join her and Darry, and they all shared a group hug. Soda sighed. They went through this nearly every morning.

Finally, after a long morning of moments like this, he was at work. But it turned out even there he couldn't get someone to focus on anything but Babysister Sue Curtis!

"Soda!" Steve said urgently. "How's Baby this morning? Is she okay? Did she ask about me?"

Sodapop snapped, "She's fine! You just saw her last night, Steve! Can we for once talk about something other than my little sister?!"

Steve seemed to think about this for a moment. "Wait a minute, Soda—I think I see what you mean. What do you want to talk about then?"

"I don't know, just something else," Soda said with a shrug.

"There is nothing else right now, Sodapop!" Steve countered dramatically. "Oh no—is that Evie coming?"

Soda checked through the window. "Yup," he answered, secretly relishing the thought of this confrontation. Maybe it would knock some sense back into his best friend.

Steve moaned and ducked down behind the counter they were supposed to be running.

"Soda! Where's Steve?" Evie Daniels demanded. Soda pointed down beside him. "Steve Randle! What were you doing running around town last night with that other broad!"

Steve got up reluctantly. "Don't call her that, Evie! Baby is the greatest thing that ever happened to me!"

Soda went outside just as things were getting heated. With any luck, they'd be back together by the end of their shift at the DX. But it was not to be, and soon Evie left in a huff, screaming back at him as she went.

At home that afternoon, Ponyboy and Babysister arrived back from school together, Ponyboy carrying her books for her. Johnny Cade trailed behind them, secretly pining away for Ponyboy's twin sister but knowing he could never have her. It was eating him up inside. His only comfort was knowing that she would be around his house a lot, with her best friend, his younger sister Jasmine-Sue. But she'd stayed home from school because of her broken leg from her parents' beatings.

"How was work, Soda?" Pony and Baby asked at the same time, then laughed together at the hilarity of it all. Soda waited for them to calm down before answering.

"Horrible. Steve wouldn't shut up about your date last night," he answered sourly. Baby clapped her hands in excitement.

"Good!" she cried, then she set about straightening things up and dusting everything. "He liked it!"

But suddenly Soda couldn't take it anymore. He jumped out of his chair and marched over to her.

"You're ruining my best friend!" he exclaimed, stepping closer to her until she was pinned in the corner. "And this house is clean enough already! I'm sick and tired of everybody making a huge deal over my perfect little sister. Just stop it, Baby!"

Darry's head suddenly snapped up from where he was reading the newspaper. "Hey! Nobody puts Baby in the corner!" he shouted. Ponyboy nodded emphatically. And Johnny—well, Johnny had already burst into tears.

"That line should be in a movie!" he said, lower lip trembling.

Two-Bit ran into the house, took one look at Baby, cornered by her brother Sodapop, and immediately ran over and punched Soda in the face. "Leave her alone!" he bellowed.

Soda stared at his friend, bewildered. "I wasn't doing anything to her," he said, dazed. "Why would I want to hurt Baby?"

"Well, good. Baby, are you okay?" Two-Bit left his buddy on the ground and turned his attention back to the light of his life, Babysister Sue Curtis.

"I'm fine, Two-Bit," Baby assured him, helping her brother up. "Just a little shaken up."

"I could shake you up a little more," Two-Bit offered suggestively. Baby looked scandalized.

"Two-Bit! Not here," she hissed, looking worriedly at Darry, who only shook his head with a chuckle. He was actually quite proud that so many boys seemed to be chasing after her. As long as they didn't do anything to hurt her, he was fine with whatever made Baby happy.

"Oh, Baby. What is it going to take for you to call me Keith?" questioned Two-Bit, grasping her head and gazing at her in adoration. Soda threw Ponyboy a disbelieving look, and only received a glare in return from his brother.

Baby shook her head. "Two-Bit, all I want is to be like one of the gang. And the gang calls you Two-Bit. So I will too."

"Hear, hear!" Johnny agreed. That was pretty much all he said for the rest of the night, other than to gush over Baby, because Steve and Dallas walked into the room then.

Steve immediately ran over to his girlfriend and gave her a kiss that left Baby breathless and Soda gagging. Dallas sauntered over to Sodapop and whispered, "Man, I wish I had a girl like your sister to soften me up too."

"But—you're Dallas Winston with a mile long rap sheet!" Soda reminded him.

Dally sighed and answered sadly, "I'm just a kid, Soda. I need a woman in my life."

By now Sodapop was sure they were all nuts, but there was nothing he could do about it.

Steve and Baby left soon afterwards, arms looped over each other's shoulders, barely hearing Darry's warning of, "Be back before curfew, Baby! Or we might have to send out a search party!"

After she left, the other guys seemed to have no reason to stay, so they followed the couple soon after. Ponyboy sat down to begin doing his and his twin sister's homework.

Soda had always found it strange that Ponyboy had written an entire semester theme about their life—most of it made up, of course. Dally and Johnny dying? As if!—and never once had he mentioned his twin sister Babysister. So he decided to ask.

"Pony, how come Baby isn't in that English theme of yours?" he asked right then and there.

Ponyboy looked hurt. "I couldn't put her in! She was staying with her friend at the time, remember? That's why she never got talked about or anything."

Soda thought this was a pretty stupid excuse, but decided not to push it further. He decided to tell his brothers about a weird dream he'd had a few nights earlier.

"Hey, did I tell you I dreamed that we had no sister?" he asked, and immediately at the mention of their sister, he had both boys' attention. "Yeah. It was basically like our lives were in that theme Pony wrote. No sister, Johnny and Dally died. Steve was still with Evie, and Two-Bit liked some girl named Marcia. It was weird, though. It felt really real, ya know?"

Ponyboy snorted. "No sister? Geez, Soda, you sure you're feeling all right?"

"Sodapop, that's ridiculous," Darry scoffed. "No sister—yeah, and I'm a millionaire! By the way, watch out for her tomorrow. She'll be joining us at the rumble."

"Are you crazy?" Ponyboy argued. "She could get hurt, Darry! Do you really want that to happen?"

"Well…no," Darry admitted, folding up his paper. "But it's what's important to her, and that's all I want."

"Well, I guess you're right," Ponyboy consented. "As long as nobody hurts her. If anyone lays a hand on my sister, why I'll—"

Soda interrupted, "Since when do we let our little sisters tag along at rumbles?"

"Oh, Soda, we don't usually, but she's an exception. Baby is just like one of the gang, you know. It's not as though she could ever possibly have friends of her own to hang out with," Darry reminded him. "It's not like there are actually other people in Tulsa for any of us to do anything with. Especially Baby. She has to stay with the gang at all times."

Sodapop thought this sounded pretty strange, but decided not to bother commenting what he thought. It was basically useless in a discussion like this.

"And without her brothers to protect her, she could get hurt!" Pony added, shivering at the thought of that. "I know those Socs—they're just waiting to catch her alone so they can rape her! That's all they ever do to pretty girls around the East side. Because we live in a bad, _bad _neighbourhood where it's impossible to walk alone without getting jumped!"

Darry agreed, "She only has one friend, after all. Jasmine-Sue Cade. How is Jasmine-Sue doing?"

Ponyboy sighed sadly. "Oh, terrible. She's been beaten even worse than Johnny, and tonight she may very well be thrown out of the house by her parents. We're all expecting the worst."

"No!" Darry gasped. "We can't let her stay on the streets alone! Ponyboy, tell her she's more than welcome at our house! She can stay as long as she needs to."

"But Jasmine is a tough girl, and she vows that someday she will leave that house for good and strike out on her own, to prove to them that she can survive on her own," Ponyboy continued singing Jasmine-Sue's praises. "And you know what's amazing? How she looks just like Johnny, only in the female version! With those big brown eyes…and that scar on her cheek—it will probably stay there until the day she dies!"

Sodapop teased, "Hey, Ponyboy, someone got a little crush on Jasmine?"

Ponyboy hissed, "You know I'm not into girls yet, Soda! I'm waiting for the perfect one to come and sweep me off my feet…shining golden hair, sparkling blue-green eyes and all!"

Soda yawned. He got bored easily, and even more easily when their conversations went on like this. He just hoped he wouldn't be around when Jasmine-Sue arrived…

**So this is my attempt at writing a parody. And next chapter, we will introduce you to Jasmine-Sue Cade, if that is what everybody wants. Sam, I posted this just for you! Lol. Any suggestions as to what clichés our Sues should get into? PS: Should I even keep writing this? Thanks! **


	2. Tragic

**Disclaimer: All I own are the Sister Sues (how sad is that?).**

Soda was still hoping she wouldn't show up, even after Ponyboy had gone to the movies with Darry. But unfortunately, Jasmine-Sue Cade always seemed to be around the Curtis house when Sodapop was there. It almost seemed planned out. But Soda shook off that thought immediately when their door flew open.

Jasmine-Sue Cade stumbled inside and collapsed onto the sofa, nearly landing on Soda's lap. He'd just barely had time to quickly scoot over to the other end. Her enormous brown eyes were wild. They also seemed to drive the neighbourhood greasers wild. "Oh, Sodapop! Thank goodness you left the door unlocked today, so I won't have to spend the night out in that terrible storm!"

"We _always _leave the door unlocked," Sodapop pointed out. "And what storm? What the—" He looked out the window hurriedly, glad for an excuse to get off that sofa. Somehow, a storm had suddenly blown in. Rain was pouring down, and the wind whipped the tree branches around.

Jasmine jumped up, then winced and took her seat again. "I just got away from my dad," she explained. "But he got to me first."

Soda rolled his eyes. She didn't even have a bruise. Johnny had it way worse than his sister ever had. "Hey—I thought you had a broken leg!" Soda exclaimed, pointing accusingly at her cast-less, perfectly fine legs. "And if you were out in the storm, then why isn't your hair wet?"

"It dries quickly," Jasmine replied, patting her shiny brown mane proudly. She ignored his question about her leg, but when she stood up again and walked into the kitchen, a limp had suddenly developed. "So, do you have any beer? Or did Two-Bit drink it all?"

Soda quickly moved across the living room into the kitchen and slammed the icebox door before she could touch anything. "Jasmine, you're only thirteen years old! And besides," he checked inside, seeing what _was _in there, "Two-Bit really did drink it all," he informed her, somewhat sheepishly. Jasmine shrugged it off and bounced back with an anxious smile. It was that smile that made Ponyboy and Darry feel so sorry for her all the time. It was an "everyone-feel-sorry-for-poor-little-me" smile and it drove Sodapop nuts. But everyone else thought it was adorable.

"Say, Soda," Jasmine suddenly stepped closer to him, "We're the only ones here…"

"Uh…so?"

"So…everyone else will be stuck out there in the storm," Jasmine continued to move closer and closer, until he stepped back into the icebox. Shit. He was stuck there. "It's just you…and me. And everyone knows you _always _fall for the girl next door."

Soda's eyes widened as she moved closer still, now taking his hand. "You don't even live next door!" he reminded her. She didn't even seem to hear him. She had him trapped…

"Soda! Where's Baby?"

Jasmine dropped his hand and sprang back. Sodapop leaped away from her and almost ran into Darry, who wore a look of absolute panic on his face.

"How should I know?" Soda answered in disgust, his relief at getting away from Jasmine melting away. "Why don't you ask _Steve_? She's probably with him somewhere."

Darry's face turned at least three shades paler. "You mean—she's out in that storm somewhere?" he cried. "Out of the way, Soda—I'm calling the police!" he barreled past both his brother and Jasmine, into the kitchen, grabbing the receiver.

"The line's dead!" he announced a moment later. "Soda—get out there and help me look for her."

Soda didn't argue, he knew it would be pointless. Besides, he rather liked his smile and wanted to keep all of his teeth for now. "Can I at least grab my jacket?" he questioned.

Darry shook his head. "There's no time! Babysister is out there and she could be half-dead by now! I never should have let her out of the house…"

"She won't be half-dead," Soda assured him. "And besides, it's hardly raining anymore. Can't we just wait for her and Steve to show up here?"

Darry sat down on his armchair and answered firmly, "No. Baby's hair is probably ruined by now, I don't want her to get any more hurt. Now start searching!"

Soda was halfway out the door when he called back, "Aren't you coming with me?!"

"Someone needs to stay here for when she turns up! I need to make her some soup!" Darry shouted back, and Jasmine gave him a cute little wave before shutting the door in his face.

Grumbling to himself, Soda set out to find his sister and Steve. And Ponyboy. Darry seemed to have just left him at the movies alone in his rush to get home to Baby. Soda looked in all the sensible places—the DX, the Dingo, Jay's, the drive-in theatre, the vacant lot, the place where they always had their rumbles, and the park. Then there was really nowhere else to search (after all, the gang never went anywhere besides these places), so he turned around and went home. By this time, the sun had come back out and people were back to their usual business. A car passed by, just tearing down the road, and as it rolled over a puddle Soda got soaked. A perfect ending to an already _wonderful _day, he thought with a groan.

Back at home, he staggered (wetly) inside, only to fine the whole gang already there, in a circle surrounding Baby and Jasmine.

"When did y'all get home?" Soda demanded, squeezing some of the water out of his shirt. His feet were freezing! This was when it would've paid to put some shoes on. "I've been looking all over for you!"

Baby looked up in surprise. "Ooh, you're so wet! We've been home for ages! Want some soup?"

"Yes!" he practically screamed at her. "I'm freezing!"

Baby smiled sweetly, then got up to get him a bowl. "Oops! Sorry, Soda," she giggled, "I guess we ate it all! There's none left. But maybe I could make some more." She opened the cupboard, but by this time Darry had jumped out of his chair and into the kitchen.

"Baby, you just sit down there. You must be so tired…" he said sympathetically. Soda was about to nod vigorously, now that someone was finally showing him some concern, but then Darry went on, patting their sister on the shoulder, "…Baby. Get back under those blankets, now."

A cold, wet, exhausted and miserable Soda slumped down into a hard wooden chair, since all his friends occupied the more comfortable ones. Darry whistled as he took out a pan for the soup. Then he went into the cupboard for a can of soup.

"Uh-oh," he said. "Looks like we're fresh out of soup! I'm so sorry, Soda," he said cheerfully. "I guess you'll have to settle for toast."

"I'll take _anything_!" Soda declared. "Just please, get me some food."

"Well, looks like we're out of bread too. How about some hot coffee?"

"I hate coffee."

"Well, it doesn't really matter anyway. Two-Bit's drinking the last cup, trying to get a little more sobered up. Why didn't you tell me he finished off all the beer?" Darry asked, a bit annoyed.

"I don't know. Maybe because I was out in the storm, trying to find my friends, when really they were back here the whole time," Soda said sarcastically. But it was lost on his older brother.

"Okay. I'll make you some hot chocolate," Darry decided, taking out a mug.

Soda could've cheered. "Sounds great."

"Oh, Darry, did you forget?" Baby called from her spot on the sofa, wrapped in all the blankets in the house. "I said no more chocolate in our house, remember? We don't have any hot chocolate mix left! I got rid of it all this morning."

Darry shut all of the cupboards he'd opened. "Looks like the gang's eaten us out of house and home once again. And the stores are all closed. Since we finished off all the eggs and bread this morning, I think you're going to be stuck hungry until breakfast tomorrow. Sorry about that."

As if on cue, Sodapop's stomach growled. "Fine. I'll survive."

Two-Bit, sitting as close as he could to Baby, asked suddenly, "Are you sure there's no more beer?" his words were a little slurred, even with the coffee he was drinking.

"I guess so. Did you check the cupboard beside the icebox? Sometimes Darry stashes it in there," Soda informed him. "I found that out a few months ago, after that one rumble."

"Nah, I emptied that out last week," Two-Bit waved it off.

"Well, didn't you put some in our closet a few days ago?" Soda asked, moving his chair closer to the group. "It should still be there, right?"

Two-Bit thought for a moment, which seemed to be difficult for him, because his brow furrowed and he just looked more confused. "I think so—wait. No, I got to that already."

"Hmm. I think you pretty much cleaned us out," Soda concluded, unable to think of any other stashes of booze Two-Bit had in the Curtis house.

Two-Bit snapped his fingers. Cocking an eyebrow, he announced proudly, "I remember where I put the last of my stash! I know I still have some hidden in my ultimate secret hiding place—under Darry's bed!"

"Not much of a secret place anymore," Ponyboy pointed out with a snicker.

"Hey! What were you doing under there?" Darry demanded. "You're not getting it _now_, Two-Bit. You're drunk enough as it is!"

"'Sides," Dally drawled, his arm around his pet Johnny, "I found that last night and it's gone."

Two-Bit cursed and Baby looked scandalized. "Two-Bit Mathews!" That quickly got him to apologize to the "ladies". Jasmine looked unperturbed about the whole thing. Coming from a broken home herself, she'd heard far worse.

"Guys," Jasmine cut into the silence abruptly. "I—I just don't know if I can take this anymore."

"What?" Ponyboy cried immediately. Just as Soda had suspected, he did harbor a bit of a crush on his best friend's younger sister.

Jasmine shivered—for effect, Soda was sure. When she spoke again, it was in a hoarse, tortured whisper. "Life."

Ponyboy, Steve, Dally, Darry, Two-Bit and Johnny all shuddered. Soda just rolled his eyes. Jasmine-Sue Cade had pulled this act a million times before. And it _always _got this reaction.

"No!" Ponyboy gasped.

"Say it isn't so, Jasmine!" Darry's voice shook.

"Keep holding on!" Steve commanded.

"'Cause we're gonna make it through!" Two-Bit added.

"Just stay strong!" Dallas ordered fiercely, his voice thick with emotion.

"'Cause you know I'm here for you!" Johnny said finally, clutching his sister's hand tightly. "I'll take the beatings for you, Jasmine! Just stay with us!"

Jasmine sighed heavily. "I suppose…I can hold on for a little while longer. But I can't go back there! Not tonight!" she exclaimed dramatically.

"Of course you can't," Soda muttered under his breath.

"Soda Patrick Curtis, if I hear you being rude to the girls one more time tonight, you can just not have anything to eat tonight!" Darry said angrily. He had better hearing than Soda had thought. But not a great memory. Soda wasn't even going to bother to remind him he didn't have anything to eat anyway.

Darry had turned his attention back over to Jasmine anyway, who'd looked faintly irritated at losing her audience. "Jasmine, you are welcome to stay here as long as you need to. You can even take Soda's bed. I'm sure he doesn't mind giving it up."

"In that case, I claim the couch," Steve announced. "By pure coincidence, my father doesn't want me to come home tonight either."

So Sodapop was left with the floor.

"Never mind what I said about the puddle earlier," he grumbled to himself later that night, settling down to attempt to drift off to sleep. "_This _is just the cherry on the ice cream sundae. Which would taste pretty good right now…" he trailed off, hearing the knock on the door.

"It's open, whoever it is!" he called tiredly. He was exhausted. The door creaked open. Everyone else was in bed already, so the house was dark. Soda wondered sleepily who it could be, but didn't give it much thought. He was already asleep.

…

A flushing sound from the bathroom woke him up. Soda sat up, rubbing his sore neck and cursing whoever stole his pillow during the night. Steve was still fast asleep, snoring like a machine, said pillow tucked under his head. He looked sickeningly comfortable there. Soda was tempted to snatch the pillow out from under him and throw it back in his face, but stopped short of it as someone else entered the room.

"Uh, hi," she said with a smile that could chill the whole room. "I'm Kansas Winston."

**Wow. Thanks for all the reviews for chapter one, I hope you liked this one as much as the first chapter. I never realized how hard it is to write a second chapter of a parody. But it is, because you have to try and make it just as funny as the first one, and you have to have new idea to mock, and…I'm rambling. But again, suggestions for clichés would be appreciated, and hopefully I'll have another chapter up soon. **


	3. Bitter

**Kansas Winston**

"Kansas Winston?" Soda echoed lamely. "Do I know you?"

She rolled her eyes. They were icy blue, colder than even Dally's eyes. And her hair was white-blonde and halfway down her back, sleek and wavy. "You do now. I'm Dallas' sister."

"Dally has a sister?" he exclaimed, so loud Steve jerked awake.

"No, Dally doesn't have a sister," Steve grumbled, still half-asleep, his eyes squeezed shut. "You're still dreaming, Sodapop."

"Oh, shut up," Soda said impatiently. He'd just about had it with Steve by now. And besides, he was still upset about the stolen pillow. "Since when are you Dallas Winston's sister?" he repeated.

Kansas looked bored as she examined her French-manicured hands. "Oh, I've been around. Hasn't he told you about me before?"

"Uh…no."

"Well, I am his sister. Half-sister, actually. We have the same mother, and I have no idea who my own father is. But since our mother left, we just let Dallas' father keep thinking I was his real daughter, when really I'm not. Anyway, our mom seemed to like choosing names that were really places. Dallas, Kansas, Georgia…but you can just call me Sass," Kansas informed them matter-of-factly. Soda was still trying to wrap his head around all of this when Steve cut in.

"Wait a minute. Who's Georgia?" he demanded, standing up so he would look tougher. It didn't work, because Sass turned out to be taller than both of them. "And how old are you anyway?"

"I'm sixteen. And Georgia is our younger sister. Well, was. She was attacked by Socs and just couldn't recover," Sass said bitterly, which was about all the emotion she'd displayed so far.

"This doesn't make any sense," Soda interrupted, totally confused now. "Dally has had two younger sisters his whole life and never thought to tell us? And one of them is _dead_?"

"That's right," Sass agreed, now pulling out a lighter and cigarette, inhaling the smoke deeply. "And what are your names, anyway? I was told this is where Dallas usually hangs out."

"I'm Steve Randle," Steve introduced himself, "And this is Sodapop Curtis."

"You two live together, then?" Sass asked then, looking from one to the other curiously. "You're a couple?"

Soda jerked out of his thoughts abruptly. "Oh, heck no! I live here with my brothers. Steve just stays here some nights 'cause my little sister's his girlfriend. Which I still don't understand."

"What's not to understand?" demanded Steve indignantly. "I love her!" Just then Baby herself wandered out, and at the sight of her older brother, boyfriend and some strange girl in the room together, she said shrilly,

"Steven Randle! Who is _that_ and what are you doing with her?!" Soda couldn't help the smirk coming onto his face. Finally! Maybe the arrival of Kansas Winston would break them up once and for all.

Steve looked startled, then assured her, "Oh no, Baby. She's with Sodapop, not me." Baby looked mollified, but Soda jumped a foot at hearing this.

"What?" he yelped. "She's not with me! I don't even know who she is!"

"Oh, Soda, don't be embarrassed of your girlfriend. She's not as pretty as me, but she's…passable," Baby said sweetly, patting him on the arm. Sass looked murderous.

"You little brat!" she hissed, moving towards Baby threateningly, her fists balled up. "Why I—"

But suddenly the front door flew open and Two-Bit leaped in front of Baby as if to take the bullet for her. Well, figuratively speaking. How did he always get there just in time?

Sass let out a string of curses that would make her older brother proud. Where was Dallas, anyway? He should've been the one dealing with his sister's just showing up here.

Soda stepped between all of them and held up his hands. "Okay. Everyone sit down and we'll figure all this out."

"Why?" Sass asked bluntly.

"Because," he answered through gritted teeth, "You just showed up at my house in the middle of the night. And I hardly know who you are. Now sit."

Everyone else did, but the amazingly tough girl refused. Instead, she leaned against the wall defiantly. Soda rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak when his brothers and Jasmine made their first appearance of the morning.

"Are you Dally's sister?" Darry asked immediately, spotting her for the first time. She nodded.

"How did you know about her?" Soda asked incredulously. "I just found out this morning!"

"Oh, Soda," Darry scoffed, "Anyone can see the resemblance between them. Why, she looks exactly like Dallas, only tougher!"

"And meaner," added Ponyboy, actually looking a bit frightened of the girl himself. Sass smiled proudly and Baby was positively glowering when she flexed her muscles and Steve and Two-Bit stared at her admiringly.

"That's right. I'm the toughest girl on the east side. I'm surprised you haven't heard of me, with my _bad _reputation," Sass added. "I once made my brother, Dallas, cry."

Dally walked in and blushed at the memory. "I see you've all met Kansas," he said.

"Yeah. Did you tell her to come here?" Soda asked angrily.

Darry cut in before Dally could answer, "It doesn't matter why she came here. The point is, she is here. And we never refuse a girl who needs to stay at our house, Soda."

Jasmine, who'd been unusually quiet before this, spoke up, "I met Sass once. She was being raped by Socs."

Soda was horrified, but Sass merely remarked, "Oh yeah. I'd forgotten about that. Nice to see you again, Jasmine."

Baby shrieked, "Darry, I don't want her to stay here! Tell her to leave now!"

Darry seemed torn between his devotion to his younger sister and his declaration that nobody was refused refuge in the Curtis house. Finally, Steve piped up.

"Baby could come stay with me, Darry, while Sass is here," he offered. Baby beamed.

"Oh yes, Darry!" she agreed. "Isn't Steve's solution absolutely perfect?"

"No!" Soda argued. "That's the stupidest answer I've ever heard from you, Steve. Darry, why would you possibly let your little sister go to stay with her hormone-crazed boyfriend?"

Darry thought about this. "Because it will make Baby happy, Soda," he said earnestly. "Go ahead, Babysister. Steve will take care of you now."

Hand in hand, they left the Curtis house together, ever the happy couple.

Dallas looked at his sister curiously. "Why did you come here, Sass?" he wanted to know.

"Well, you see, I was beating up a Soc at a rumble last night," she began, but Soda cut her off.

"There was a rumble last night? Since when?" he demanded.

"Since last night, _obviously_!" Sass said, rolling her heavily made up eyes. "Anyway. I was beating up a Soc, and he was knocked unconscious, so somebody called the fuzz or something. And I just needed a place to crash for the night, and I remembered Dallas mentioning some house around where the rumble was, so I came here and hoped it was the right place. And the door was open."

Dallas looked proud of his sister's story. "Well, that sounds about right to me. Is the Soc going to live, Sass?" he asked then, looking hopeful that the guy wouldn't make it. Because Dally hated Socs and liked to see them killed in cold blood.

"I'm not sure. I think I might've punched him so hard that I killed him," Sass said in a boastful tone.

Soda said skeptically, "I don't think you could punch someone that hard."

"Oh yeah?" Sass said threateningly, balling her fist again. "Want to find out?"

"It's not worth it, Soda," Dally whispered to him. "She could do it. She's so tough, it puts me to shame sometimes!"

Soda smiled and said sweetly, "Oh no, I believe you, Sass." Then she backed off.

And someone promptly knocked on the door. Soda groaned. He didn't even want to see who it was, because lately all their guests had been his friends' sisters. And he wasn't particularly wanting to invite another one of them in.

"Soda, aren't you going to answer the door?" Ponyboy asked.

"Why don't you answer it?"

"I have homework to do. Geez. What else would I do on a morning like this?" Pony said sarcastically. "It's not like I actually have a life outside of school!"

Soda then turned to Two-Bit. "What are you doing here anyway, Two-Bit?"

His friend answered by turning on the TV. "Mickey Mouse!" he shouted.

"Oh, I love Mickey Mouse!" Jasmine exclaimed, sitting down beside him. "It distracts me from the reality of my harsh, terrible life. For a few hours I can almost forget the pain inflicted on me every day of my life."

Soda thought she was being even more melodramatic than ever, but everyone else was soon wiping away tears. Especially Dallas. Ponyboy looked furious at the thought of this girl being mistreated.

"Oh, Jasmine!" he cried, "Forget homework! I have to stay by you and protect you!"

"Forget homework?" Darry barked. "Forget it! Ponyboy, you will do your homework now! And while you're at it, finish your sister's homework too! _Now_!"

Ponyboy trembled at his brother's yelling, which Soda considered unnecessary, considering Pony had been up and at his desk at the word 'Ponyboy'.

Whoever was at the door continued to knock insistently, so Darry turned his attention to Sodapop. "Soda Patrick Curtis, answer the door this instant!" Soda was shocked. Darry hardly ever yelled at him, especially not over something as small as this.

But he got up and went reluctantly to the door…which had a hole in it?

"What the—why is there a hole in the door?" he yelped.

Sass Winston smiled to herself. "Oh, I was using it as my punching bag this morning and must have hit it a little too hard," she said cheerily, "Silly me."

Soda crossed it his fingers that the person on the other side of the door wouldn't be who he thought it was…

But it was. Marlene Mathews.

**Okay. Not sure if this one was as good or funny as the other two, but I tried. Thanks again for the reviews and suggestions. Now what should Miss Mathews get into? By the way, I'm wondering if time travel could work into this somehow…**


	4. Stranger

**The One with the Mathews Sister**

**Okay, so it's been a while! I haven't posted anything in ages, and I found this partially finished chapter, and decided to write an ending to it and post it. I hope it works, but forgive me if it's not quite the same as before—as I said, it's been quite a while since I picked anything up. It's good to be back! **

Marlene Mathews always seemed to be hanging around right when Soda didn't want her to. She preferred to be called Marlee, or Eminem, which Sodapop thought was just about the stupidest name a person could give herself.

"Hi, Sodapop!" she chirped out then, standing on tiptoe to make herself look taller. "Can I come in?"

Soda groaned inwardly but nodded, knowing that Darry would find out eventually if he refused. "What are you doing here, Marlee?"

"I just wanted to hang out with you guys," she answered cheerfully, walking in as close as she could to Soda. This was looking to be a very long morning so far.

Marlee Mathews had a crush on Soda Curtis. Two-Bit had told him that weeks ago, and she didn't seem to be getting over him at all yet. She was always hanging around, trying to talk to him, and telling him how good he was at fighting, or playing football, or whatever he happened to be doing at the time. And it drove him crazy.

"Hey, sis," Two-Bit greeted her, cocking an eyebrow. "What are you up to?"

"I just wanted to hang out with you guys," Marlee replied, as she'd said to Soda. "I don't really have any friends of my own, and you're way cooler than anyone my age anyway."

Darry shot Soda an "aww isn't that cute" look. "Why, thank you, Marlee. That's so nice of you to say."

"Only because it's true," she said, gazing up at Soda and fluttering her eyelashes.

Sass was the only other person besides Soda that seemed to find her behaviour ridiculous. "Go home, kid," she ordered. "You're what, six? These guys are _too old _for you!"

Marlee sniffled, fighting tears. "I'm eight and a half, for your information!" she said shrilly. "And my brother lets me hang out with his friends as much as I want to!"

"Oh yeah? Well _my _brother lets me beat up whoever I want to," Kansas Winston informed her harshly. "So go home!"

"I don't have to! And if you beat me up my big brother will get you!" Marlee shrieked.

"Then I'll make _him _sorry too!" Sass threatened.

Soda stepped between the two girls impatiently. "Relax, will you?" he told Sass. "Look at you. You're having a fight with an eight-year-old!" Then he turned to Marlee. "And you—you need to find some friends your own age, kid." This statement didn't stop the younger girl from smiling at him in adoration.

"Oh, Soda!" she sighed. "You saved me! How can I ever thank you?"

"How bout not hanging around so much?" Soda was tempted to suggest, but bit back the words with difficulty. "Just don't bother Sass, all right?" he ordered and returned to his seat on the sofa next to Two-Bit.

Unfortunately for him, Marlee was small enough to squeeze in beside him. She batted her eyelashes at him again and he stared at her face in amazement.

"Are you wearing _makeup_?" Soda exclaimed in disbelief. She nodded eagerly.

"Yes! Do you like it?"

Before he could answer, they heard a scream from outside. Darry jumped to his feet and bolted out the door. Dallas quickly followed, and Pony and Two-Bit weren't far behind.

There, on the sidewalk, was a strange girl being beaten up by Socs!

"Oh no!" Darry gasped. "We have to save her! Girls, stand back! We'll handle this." And he took a swing at the nearest Soc.

"Eminem, go back inside!" Two-Bit ordered his sister before joining the fray. Marlee glanced up at Soda worriedly.

"I'll be waiting inside to nurse you back to health!" she told him excitedly before running back to the house. Soda rolled his eyes and reluctantly helped Two-Bit with the guy he was fighting.

Dallas was punching anyone who came even close, and Ponyboy was too afraid to do anything. But it was Sass who really surprised everyone. By the time she was done, half the Socs around her were sobbing for mercy. She stood back and folded her arms across her chest.

"All in a day's work," she announced, sounding bored out of her skull.

"Oh, thank you so much!" said the strange girl, standing up with difficulty. She looked fine to Soda, but everyone else was fawning over her, making sure she was all right. "They had me scared to death! I was just walking over to your house, and they attacked me for no reason!"

"Wait a minute," Soda said, puzzled. "We don't even know who you are. Why would you be going to our house?"

"Oh my gosh, you're Sodapop!" the girl shrieked breathlessly. "You are even hotter than the guy in the movie!"

"What movie?"

"The Outsiders! I'm from the future and I somehow ended up here in Tulsa!" she explained, as if that would make sense to everybody around.

Dally was nodding in understanding. "That makes perfect sense and I totally believe you. Since you're here now, why don't you join our gang?"

"Okay," the girl agreed enthusiastically. "I can't believe I'm finally meeting you guys! My name is Rachel, but you can call me Sodalicious if you want. It's my nickname."

Sodapop interrupted, "Wait a minute. That's _my _name! Why do you have my name in your name? What kind of name is that anyway?"

"My parents were also very original people," Sodalicious explained brightly. "If you must, you can call me Rachel. But anyway, I'm from 2007 and I was reading this book and all of a sudden I was here."

"How did something like that happen?" Soda questioned. He really was curious about this.

"Who cares?" Rachel replied carelessly. "The point is I'm here and now I can stay here forever just as happy as can be!"

"Don't you want to go back to your own time?" Ponyboy asked, showing the most sense he had all day. But she shook her head, bright smile never wavering.

"No. Why would I? I like Tulsa much better," Rachel answered happily. "And besides, you saved my life." She fluttered her eyelashes and cooed, "How can I ever repay you?"

"You don't have to," Darry said fervently. "And you can stay at our house for as long as you need. We're running a little short on beds right now, but you can take mine, and I'll take the couch and Steve can go with Baby and Sass can have the floor in the living room and Soda will have to find somewhere else to sleep."

Soda was really starting to get sick of being shafted from his own house, but what was he supposed to do? Any argument from him would be instantly shouted down by the others.

"Well, Soda," Jasmine said slyly, sidling up to him, "if you need somewhere to stay, I suppose I could brave the dangers of my own home and take you back there with me. We may a bit beat up by morning, but it's worth it to know that you'd be out of the cold."

"Over my dead body," Soda muttered under his breath.

"Well, that may just come true at my house," Jasmine warned solemnly, but nobody else heard her over Darry's proclamation: "Jasmine, we could never put you in harm's way! Soda can pitch a tent! He can sleep on the sidewalk! Anything so long as we know that you're safe with us."

Soda rolled his eyes but he wasn't laughing anymore when that night, he was indeed stuck outside in the cold. The only thought that comforted him was knowing that at least he wasn't shut up inside the house with all the girls. That would have been just too much.


End file.
